Sometimes you just get sick of trying.
People aren’t ever not trying. When someone is doing shitty in school, it’s not because they aren’t trying, its because they are trying to not study for tests, do homework, or give two shits about what goes on. When someone says they give up, they are still trying because they are trying to not focus on caring about the thing they are doing or putting effort towards. We get sick of trying, because even when we need a break from trying, we are still “trying to rest the bad thoughts”, or trying to fall asleep because we are exhausted of trying. We are always trying. and yeah it gets trying, but giving up won’t solve the fact that you are sick of trying, but rather you will always be trying at something whether it leads to failure or success.
sitting at home by myself tonight…cool.
Every second of every day…
It feels like I only write on here when I’m sad…
Truth is…
I’m scared. I’m scored of losing someone like you, someone who has taught me things I didn’t even know about myself, someone who has loved me, someone who has held me and kissed me endlessly, someone who I can count on, someone I have loved. My reasons for feeling like I’m going to lose you aren’t because I’ve done something to deserve the loss of your love, but because you’re too perfect for someone like me, and sometimes I feel like I try extra extra hard to see you every second I can, while you want to be with your friends. I know I’m dumb for thinking this way, but I don’t ever want to feel like you are slipping through the cracks and cuts of my heart from where others have hurt me, because you are supposed to heal those, like I have done for you. I feel you are slipping when you don’t call when you say you will, but that doesn;t make you any less perfect to me. You are perfect, and I’m the selfish one, who wants to spend every single moment with you, with no one else around to grab your attention, because I’m scared of ever losing you, and simply because I love you so much.
LIfe’s not even worth “living” anymore.
I should just exist as a numbed human being and walk the face of this earth without feeling one thing until the day I die.
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